What Moms Really Want: A Dad’s Guide to Mother’s Day
1. Moms love brunch….with their friends. Not their kids.
If you must take mom to brunch en famille, be sure to note the following:
It is your job to get the kids ready. Mom should not wipe one bum, nor settle one dispute, nor find one missing shoe. In fact, everyone should be waiting quietly and patiently in the car – buckled in – as she readies no one but herself. Further, it is your job to police the children at the restaurant. Mom should be sipping a cocktail, with the bemused expression of a carefree nanny.

2. Breakfast in bed is nice…but sleep is nicer.
So, your child made some burnt toast and milky tea. Cute. But DO NOT put it on a tray, bring it upstairs and wake mom up. Instead, tell her about it as you hand her a cocktail when she awakens, quite refreshed, at 3pm.

3. Moms like homemade cards….but they love jewelry.
Sure, it’s the thought that counts. But some thoughts count more than others. And there’s just something about getting a gift that was bought in an actual store ahead of time. Please note that the homemade macaroni necklace does NOT count as jewelry.

Disclaimer: The author is a mother of four. She is a Harvard graduate whose hobbies include watching the laundry machine spin, reheating leftovers, and lurking on Facebook during night feeds. She has a Masters in English, and a PhD in the art of quiet desperation.